One thing that every relationship will experience, even the healthiest ones, is conflict. I know when some people hear the word conflict their defences already go up and their minds go to somewhere primarily negative. If you’re one of those persons I want to encourage for a moment to put those defences down and just hear me out for a bit. :)
A basic definition of conflict is when two people have opposing views or perspectives on a particular situation or issue, and then those views are communicated. Even though you love your partner/spouse, the two of you won’t ever agree on everything. It’s human nature and completely normal and okay to have differences, even with the people we love the most. Sometimes conflict can illicit uncomfortable feelings in us if we remember how our families of origin navigated conflict, as well as negative and unproductive experiences we may have had in the past.
While some are inclined to avoid conflict, I promise you this will always backfire. When you choose to avoid conflict in your relationship you open the door to resentment, increase passive-aggressive behaviour, and ultimately more distance and disconnection between your partner/spouse and yourself. Persons who tend to avoid or run from conflict are typically those who also don’t experience the kind of healthy relationships they desire, and that’s because healthy relationships cannot exist without conflict. If you find yourself to be conflict avoidant, I encourage you to communicate that to your loved one, and it may also be helpful to consider therapy to aid you in effectively navigating through those waters.
Leaning into conflict allows room and space for you and the person you’re with to understand yourselves better as well as each other. It creates room for deeper self-discovery, more self-awareness, increased intimacy and connection, and an overall fuller and more enriching relationship. I know it can feel scary sometimes, at the same time I promise you that you are capable of having hard and uncomfortable conversations with your partner/spouse.
The next time you’re tempted to avoid and/or run away from conflict, I encourage you to sit with the tension and lean lovingly into it instead. Remembering that effective conflict management takes intentional time, effort, tools and skills which can be learned. Lean into the uncomfortable - your relationship has the potential to be the better for it. ♥️